CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS OCTOBER AND THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING AND SO ARE WE.
ROGER AND I HAVE HAD HOSPICE IN NOW FOR A WHILE AND THEY SEEM TO HELP ROGER GET A HOLD OF HIS PAIN AND THEN THE DISEASE PROGRESSES AND HE IS BACK TO SUFFERING UNTIL HE AGREES TO TAKE ON MORE OF THE PAIN MEDICATION. IT DOES MAKE HIM MORE SLEEPY...IN FACT YESTERDAY MORNING I KEPT THINKING THAT HE WAS GOING TO GET UP AND IT WAS 10:30 am AND I WENT IN THE BEDROOM TO SEE HIM AND THERE HE AND THE CAT (DEAN) WERE SLEEPING STILL LIKE LITTLE BABIES.
HE STILL READS A LOT BUT NOW THAT EVEN MAKES HIM SLEEPY. I GUESS IT IS A TRADE OFF........BE SLEEPY OR BE IN EXTREME PAIN?
ROGER'S BROTHER IS HERE FOR A WEEK TAKING CARE OF SOME THINGS FOR THEIR MOM. SHE IS STILL GOING PRETTY STRONG, BUT NEEDS HELP WITH SOME THINGS OF WHICH ROGER JUST CANNOT DO ANYMORE.
BY THE SOUNDS OF IT, WE SHOULD HAVE A BIG THANKSGIVING AT THE TORBECK RANCH......JEFF AND FAMILY.....CHAD AND FAMILY....KEN AND SONNY (his girlfriend) JOHN AND DORIS, GERT AND AUNT WILMA.........I JUST HOPE THAT ROGER IS UP FOR THAT.....WE WILL JUST MAKE IT WORK SOMEHOW ! ? ! ?
THIS TIME OF YEAR WE TEND TO REFLECT AND BE THANKFUL FOR ALL OF THE BLESSINGS THAT WE HAVE HAD AND HAVE SHARED WITH ALL OF YOU......OUR NEWEST BLESSING IS OUR BABY JOLIE FAITH HANSON BORN TO JEFF AND JOLENE ON OCT 1, 2010. WE HAVE NOT SEEN HER YET, BUT WE HOPE TO ON THANKSGIVING.
PRAY FOR PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING the world would be a better place if all of these were to come true
until next time Dianne and Roger
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Short but Sweet
Hello all who are following this blog................
Roger is definitely holding his own at this point.....had visits from his son and brother and that always seems to keep him going........
His pain management from Hospice has been OK, and as a matter of fact they came today and said there is no reason why someone has to endure any pain and they would try to help as much a possible so that Roger would be able to do some of the things that he is afraid of doing because he suffers so badly afterwards because of the pain.......
Roger's son and brother were here for a few days and you can always see him do better when there is something to do better for.......so don't be afraid to come and see him or to call him....he loves knowing that people want to see him, although he is a little embarressed that he has lost so much weight and those"bird" legs of his are really" bird legs".......
We try to keep positive and most of all laugh every day.....He has his moments and so do I , but with great friends and family how can anyone be mad?
Love to all of you and hope to see or hear from you soon.
Roger and Dianne
Roger is definitely holding his own at this point.....had visits from his son and brother and that always seems to keep him going........
His pain management from Hospice has been OK, and as a matter of fact they came today and said there is no reason why someone has to endure any pain and they would try to help as much a possible so that Roger would be able to do some of the things that he is afraid of doing because he suffers so badly afterwards because of the pain.......
Roger's son and brother were here for a few days and you can always see him do better when there is something to do better for.......so don't be afraid to come and see him or to call him....he loves knowing that people want to see him, although he is a little embarressed that he has lost so much weight and those"bird" legs of his are really" bird legs".......
We try to keep positive and most of all laugh every day.....He has his moments and so do I , but with great friends and family how can anyone be mad?
Love to all of you and hope to see or hear from you soon.
Roger and Dianne
Saturday, August 21, 2010
ITS AMAZING
WOW where does the time go?
Since I last wrote Roger and I have called in Hospice and their "team" as they call themselves.They have been here a couple of times. The nurse, the social worker, the Chaplain, the CNA, the Doctor and the Physcologist. We feel like royalty with our own staff. They are wonderful people.
Roger decided that he did not want to keep filling his body with chemicals that just made him sicker and also that he would be basically a trail study and have to go to Denver everyday. The cancer is ramp'ed in his bones now, but the good news for now is his Hospice team has seemed to get the right combination of drugs to allow him to be about a 1 or 2 pain level and not a 9 or 10 like it was. His appetite is better and his mental is better also.
He is excited to have his son visit over the Labor day weekend and also his brother.
Roger still cannot play golf or anything physical, but his friend and neighbor Larry keeps him busy with his grandson's fixer-up Pick up and other projects regarding cars. Thank you Larry ( if only I could get you to quit chewing) Roger still reads a lot and neighbors of ours got him a subscription to Netflex and he loves getting movies in the mail....Thanks Patti and Mark. ! ! ! Other neighbors help with filling in concrete holes and bringing eggs and oh ! !...and fish too (Mark and Laurie--- Neal and Donna) We have such a great bunch out here and I thank each and everyone of you. Some other friends bring by Zuchinni Bread and flowers and cards and love and prayers.......we just cannot thank you all enough..Rogers "good ole boy group" takes him to lunch or brings it by when Roger is feeling up to it and lately he has ! ! ! thanks Donnie and Mort and Tom and Barry and Kelly and any of you that go to lunch with Roger.....it really helps to get him out and about.
So I just wanted to make sure that amongst all of the bad news and stories that I pass along to all who read this, there is some good, too.
I must not forget you, Helen and Joe....you always keep in touch and we thank you for that and you too Dan and Carol and Tim and Lynda and Shirley and Terry.....If I have forgotten anyone please know that I don't mean to ...I can now blame it on my age....60 is a hard age to live up to or should I say actually BE......there is no benefit other than I think that now I can put pink flamingos and other yard art out and no one will fault me for it or think I am weird, just old.......
Take care everyone and keep those prayers coming ....I think that he is hearing us and wanting to help also. It's AMAZING ! ! !
Since I last wrote Roger and I have called in Hospice and their "team" as they call themselves.They have been here a couple of times. The nurse, the social worker, the Chaplain, the CNA, the Doctor and the Physcologist. We feel like royalty with our own staff. They are wonderful people.
Roger decided that he did not want to keep filling his body with chemicals that just made him sicker and also that he would be basically a trail study and have to go to Denver everyday. The cancer is ramp'ed in his bones now, but the good news for now is his Hospice team has seemed to get the right combination of drugs to allow him to be about a 1 or 2 pain level and not a 9 or 10 like it was. His appetite is better and his mental is better also.
He is excited to have his son visit over the Labor day weekend and also his brother.
Roger still cannot play golf or anything physical, but his friend and neighbor Larry keeps him busy with his grandson's fixer-up Pick up and other projects regarding cars. Thank you Larry ( if only I could get you to quit chewing) Roger still reads a lot and neighbors of ours got him a subscription to Netflex and he loves getting movies in the mail....Thanks Patti and Mark. ! ! ! Other neighbors help with filling in concrete holes and bringing eggs and oh ! !...and fish too (Mark and Laurie--- Neal and Donna) We have such a great bunch out here and I thank each and everyone of you. Some other friends bring by Zuchinni Bread and flowers and cards and love and prayers.......we just cannot thank you all enough..Rogers "good ole boy group" takes him to lunch or brings it by when Roger is feeling up to it and lately he has ! ! ! thanks Donnie and Mort and Tom and Barry and Kelly and any of you that go to lunch with Roger.....it really helps to get him out and about.
So I just wanted to make sure that amongst all of the bad news and stories that I pass along to all who read this, there is some good, too.
I must not forget you, Helen and Joe....you always keep in touch and we thank you for that and you too Dan and Carol and Tim and Lynda and Shirley and Terry.....If I have forgotten anyone please know that I don't mean to ...I can now blame it on my age....60 is a hard age to live up to or should I say actually BE......there is no benefit other than I think that now I can put pink flamingos and other yard art out and no one will fault me for it or think I am weird, just old.......
Take care everyone and keep those prayers coming ....I think that he is hearing us and wanting to help also. It's AMAZING ! ! !
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Since we last talked (or wrote)
Not much to say this time but yet I think that I need to write a few things down........
Roger is in pain of which he endures every day throughout the day and sometimes even into the night...his pain makes him weak and upset .....well lets say he is not himself and hasn't been for a long long time......
Those of you who wonder "what can we do?" well, there is really nothing but just to laugh often, love, and care about people daily. We know that all of you are with us in spirit....I just wish that I could make all of you understand what it is like and then again I want to protect you and Roger from all of this madness.
I am powerless, as all of you. We just must believe that somehow, someday this crazy life here on earth, was worth it and was worth living no matter how short or long of a time we are here.
Hospice will now be involved in our process and I say ours because in life and death it usually involves other people. We welcome you to be as involved or non-involved as you want or need to be....
I have a deep and abiding faith that this is not all there is.
We just must get thru this earthly trial to be free from burden.......
These words don't seem to be mine and I am writing this to all to be with us in this time of trial....because we will all be faced with it at some point in time and I don't think that any of us are truely ready for it.
Roger would love to hear from you with a card or a call....He just is not very social in person anymore, but you can ask him yourself if he would like you to visit him......I will totally let that up to him....his cell is 303-775-1972.....Hope he doesn't kill me for that....but all of you that know the old Roger would already know his phone number.
Take care and I hope that this didn't sound like a sermon....it was meant to be quite the opposite .... As we all know, Roger does not like to attend church.....I know that his mother has accepted that long ago.
With love in our hearts for all of you who read this,
Roger and Dianne
Quote for the day " You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you really have"
Roger is in pain of which he endures every day throughout the day and sometimes even into the night...his pain makes him weak and upset .....well lets say he is not himself and hasn't been for a long long time......
Those of you who wonder "what can we do?" well, there is really nothing but just to laugh often, love, and care about people daily. We know that all of you are with us in spirit....I just wish that I could make all of you understand what it is like and then again I want to protect you and Roger from all of this madness.
I am powerless, as all of you. We just must believe that somehow, someday this crazy life here on earth, was worth it and was worth living no matter how short or long of a time we are here.
Hospice will now be involved in our process and I say ours because in life and death it usually involves other people. We welcome you to be as involved or non-involved as you want or need to be....
I have a deep and abiding faith that this is not all there is.
We just must get thru this earthly trial to be free from burden.......
These words don't seem to be mine and I am writing this to all to be with us in this time of trial....because we will all be faced with it at some point in time and I don't think that any of us are truely ready for it.
Roger would love to hear from you with a card or a call....He just is not very social in person anymore, but you can ask him yourself if he would like you to visit him......I will totally let that up to him....his cell is 303-775-1972.....Hope he doesn't kill me for that....but all of you that know the old Roger would already know his phone number.
Take care and I hope that this didn't sound like a sermon....it was meant to be quite the opposite .... As we all know, Roger does not like to attend church.....I know that his mother has accepted that long ago.
With love in our hearts for all of you who read this,
Roger and Dianne
Quote for the day " You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you really have"
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Decision Time
Roger has been faced with a vry difficult decesion after his Doctor's appointment yesterday (Friday July 9
Dr Barnett gave us the report that the pet scan and the MRI showed progression of the prostate cancer in Roger's bones....Spine, shoulders, ribs, arms legs.......It has not invaded his organs at this time...nonetheless his cancer is not responding to anything that they have given him.....Zomita injections will still be given to help strengthen weakend bones due to the cancer....small dose of steroids for pain tolerance and for appettite and Dr. has doubled the dose of fentynol pain patch so that Roger won't have to pop so many percocets when his pain isn't tolerable. Dr. offered Roger to go to Denver to see his colleague at the cancer center there, again for any trial studies Roger might fit the criteria for, to also see if he could get a drug that is currently being used for women and breast cancer that has metastisized to the bone (FDA approved for use in women with breast cancer but not for men with prostate cancer yet) Dr. Barnett is going to work on getting approval somehow for Roger if he can. Roger's bones are so fragile now because of the cancer that if he were to do anything to break any of his spine...it would create a whole new set of problems such as his spinal fluid and surgery to fix the bones that were damaging the spinal fluid.
The other to consider is Hospice at this time if he choses not to go forth with any trial treatments.
Well, I could go on and on and know that some of you want to know the details so it is easier to comprehend that Roger is really not doing very well. His spirit has been broken and I hear him talk to some of you on the phone and he still keeps his sense of humor....He has never once said "why me?" , but he would like everyone to know that sometimes the fight isn't worth the battle. I will and am doing everything in my power to help him through this very difficult fight. He came into my life when I really needed him and gave me his strong hand and his reassuring deep voice to show me my life was still worth living. I must be by his side with whatever decesion he makes about his upcoming treatments or care in his life and I know you all will do the same..... BECAUSE WE LOVE HIM
Dr Barnett gave us the report that the pet scan and the MRI showed progression of the prostate cancer in Roger's bones....Spine, shoulders, ribs, arms legs.......It has not invaded his organs at this time...nonetheless his cancer is not responding to anything that they have given him.....Zomita injections will still be given to help strengthen weakend bones due to the cancer....small dose of steroids for pain tolerance and for appettite and Dr. has doubled the dose of fentynol pain patch so that Roger won't have to pop so many percocets when his pain isn't tolerable. Dr. offered Roger to go to Denver to see his colleague at the cancer center there, again for any trial studies Roger might fit the criteria for, to also see if he could get a drug that is currently being used for women and breast cancer that has metastisized to the bone (FDA approved for use in women with breast cancer but not for men with prostate cancer yet) Dr. Barnett is going to work on getting approval somehow for Roger if he can. Roger's bones are so fragile now because of the cancer that if he were to do anything to break any of his spine...it would create a whole new set of problems such as his spinal fluid and surgery to fix the bones that were damaging the spinal fluid.
The other to consider is Hospice at this time if he choses not to go forth with any trial treatments.
Well, I could go on and on and know that some of you want to know the details so it is easier to comprehend that Roger is really not doing very well. His spirit has been broken and I hear him talk to some of you on the phone and he still keeps his sense of humor....He has never once said "why me?" , but he would like everyone to know that sometimes the fight isn't worth the battle. I will and am doing everything in my power to help him through this very difficult fight. He came into my life when I really needed him and gave me his strong hand and his reassuring deep voice to show me my life was still worth living. I must be by his side with whatever decesion he makes about his upcoming treatments or care in his life and I know you all will do the same..... BECAUSE WE LOVE HIM
Friday, July 2, 2010
July 2, 2010
Today was like any other day in the past two years ....Dianne goes to work, Roger does what he can to help me with the household chores and we wait for the phone call from the Doctor
When I got home tonight Roger said that his oncologist called and said that the MRI results showed that it was not in his vital organs, but that the bone cancer has progressed a lot...He wants to talk with us next friday to give results of the Pet scan and to talk about any options now....from what I know before there are not a lot.... if any....
Roger has been put on two patches instead of just one for the pain.....He is getting more and more defeated and I can see that in him.....staying positive is the hardest thing to do in this situation.....I know that everyone is praying and wanting this to just go away by the power of positive thinking and praying.....I want that too.
We will keep you updated when we see the doctor next friday.
Thanks and have a wonderful Fourth
When I got home tonight Roger said that his oncologist called and said that the MRI results showed that it was not in his vital organs, but that the bone cancer has progressed a lot...He wants to talk with us next friday to give results of the Pet scan and to talk about any options now....from what I know before there are not a lot.... if any....
Roger has been put on two patches instead of just one for the pain.....He is getting more and more defeated and I can see that in him.....staying positive is the hardest thing to do in this situation.....I know that everyone is praying and wanting this to just go away by the power of positive thinking and praying.....I want that too.
We will keep you updated when we see the doctor next friday.
Thanks and have a wonderful Fourth
Thursday, June 24, 2010
IT'S BEEN A WHILE
JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT TIME REALLY DOES PASS VERY QUICKLY....ALL THE MORE TO LIVE EVERY DAY TO ITS COMPLETE AND UTTER FULLEST.....YEH RIGHT......IT IS A NICE SAYING BUT DO WE , ANY OF US REALLY DO THAT.????....I KNOW I AM SO GUILTY OF NOT......ENOUGH OF THE LECTURE...HERE IS THE LATEST ABOUT THE MAN I LOVE........SO VERY VERY MUCH.....
WE WERE ABLE TO GO TO MESQUI8TE THIS YEAR, BUT NOT PLAY GOLF....WE (ROGER, ME AND ROGER'S MOM) WERE ARE ABLE TO FLY TO IDAHO TO SEE ROGER'S SON AND GRANDAUGHTERS FOR ONE WEEK OVER FATHERS DAY......HE REALLY WANTED TO DO THIS AND I FOUND A WAY TO ESCAPE FROM MY WORK TO GO WITH. WEATHER WAS AWEFUL, BUT WE WERE ABLE TO SPEND TIME AND THAT WAS WHAT WAS IMPORTANT.........
GOT BACK AND OF COURSE HAD DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS( THAT IS NEVER AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE), ALTHOUGH ROGER'S DOCTOR IS VERY NICE....HE SEEMS TO HAVE ONLY BAD NEWS FOR US AND FULLY ADMITS THAT HE IS SO VERY SORRY THAT IS ALL HE HAS FOR ROGER........
WE NOW TAKE HIS INFORMATION AND JUST NOD OUR HEADS AND WALK OUT THE DOOR.......
THE CHEMO ROGER HAS BEEN DOING IS NOT WORKING IN HIS FAVOR AND HIS BLODD TEST SHOW THAT HIS PSA HAS TRIPLED AND THAT WAS NOT THE NEWS THE DOCTOR WANTED TO DELIVER TO US.
THERE IS REALLY NO OTHER OPTION THAN TO DO A PET SCAN, FIND OUT THE PROGRESSION OF THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND TO POSSIBLY GO TO DENVER FOR SOME OF THOSE TRIAL STUDIES THAT HE HAS TO QUALIFY FOR UNDER SPECIFIC RULES AND REGULATIONS. WE ARE BOTH JUST NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT ANY OF THIS UNTIL NEXT WED WHEN THE SCAN IS DONE AND THEN WE PROBABLY WONT HEAR ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
THE DOCTOR IS SHAKING HIS HEAD JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO SEE ROGER OFTEN....HE DOES NOT LOOK OR ACT, MOST OF THE TIME, LIKE A MAN WITH TERMINAL CANCER.......I CAN TELL HE DOESN'T FEEL WELL, BUT AGAIN HE IS NOT A COMPLAINER......SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT REALLY IS
HE IS NOW ON A PATCH EVERY THREE DAYS THAT SEEMS TO KEEP HIS PAIN IN CHECK AND HE DOES HAVE TO POP A PERCOCET EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE....HIS APPETITE IS OK BUT NOT GOOD AND HE HAS LOST ABOUT 30 POUNDS.
WE TRY TO STAY POSITVE, BUT WHEN YOU ARE IN THE THICK OF THE HUNT IT IS SO VERY HARD TO KEEP UP THE ATTITUDE.
LAST SUMMER WAS A BEAR FOR HIM AND NOW WE BEGIN THIS SUMMER JUST LIKE THE OTHER ONE....
PRAY FOR PEACE AND HEALING AND REMEMBER TO LAUGH AND LOVE AND DANCE OFTEN.......IT DOES A BODY GOOD.....
WE WILL LET YOU KNOW ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THE SCAN WHEN WE KNOW MORE
LOVINGLY, DIANNE AND ROGER
WE WERE ABLE TO GO TO MESQUI8TE THIS YEAR, BUT NOT PLAY GOLF....WE (ROGER, ME AND ROGER'S MOM) WERE ARE ABLE TO FLY TO IDAHO TO SEE ROGER'S SON AND GRANDAUGHTERS FOR ONE WEEK OVER FATHERS DAY......HE REALLY WANTED TO DO THIS AND I FOUND A WAY TO ESCAPE FROM MY WORK TO GO WITH. WEATHER WAS AWEFUL, BUT WE WERE ABLE TO SPEND TIME AND THAT WAS WHAT WAS IMPORTANT.........
GOT BACK AND OF COURSE HAD DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS( THAT IS NEVER AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE), ALTHOUGH ROGER'S DOCTOR IS VERY NICE....HE SEEMS TO HAVE ONLY BAD NEWS FOR US AND FULLY ADMITS THAT HE IS SO VERY SORRY THAT IS ALL HE HAS FOR ROGER........
WE NOW TAKE HIS INFORMATION AND JUST NOD OUR HEADS AND WALK OUT THE DOOR.......
THE CHEMO ROGER HAS BEEN DOING IS NOT WORKING IN HIS FAVOR AND HIS BLODD TEST SHOW THAT HIS PSA HAS TRIPLED AND THAT WAS NOT THE NEWS THE DOCTOR WANTED TO DELIVER TO US.
THERE IS REALLY NO OTHER OPTION THAN TO DO A PET SCAN, FIND OUT THE PROGRESSION OF THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND TO POSSIBLY GO TO DENVER FOR SOME OF THOSE TRIAL STUDIES THAT HE HAS TO QUALIFY FOR UNDER SPECIFIC RULES AND REGULATIONS. WE ARE BOTH JUST NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT ANY OF THIS UNTIL NEXT WED WHEN THE SCAN IS DONE AND THEN WE PROBABLY WONT HEAR ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
THE DOCTOR IS SHAKING HIS HEAD JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO SEE ROGER OFTEN....HE DOES NOT LOOK OR ACT, MOST OF THE TIME, LIKE A MAN WITH TERMINAL CANCER.......I CAN TELL HE DOESN'T FEEL WELL, BUT AGAIN HE IS NOT A COMPLAINER......SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT REALLY IS
HE IS NOW ON A PATCH EVERY THREE DAYS THAT SEEMS TO KEEP HIS PAIN IN CHECK AND HE DOES HAVE TO POP A PERCOCET EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE....HIS APPETITE IS OK BUT NOT GOOD AND HE HAS LOST ABOUT 30 POUNDS.
WE TRY TO STAY POSITVE, BUT WHEN YOU ARE IN THE THICK OF THE HUNT IT IS SO VERY HARD TO KEEP UP THE ATTITUDE.
LAST SUMMER WAS A BEAR FOR HIM AND NOW WE BEGIN THIS SUMMER JUST LIKE THE OTHER ONE....
PRAY FOR PEACE AND HEALING AND REMEMBER TO LAUGH AND LOVE AND DANCE OFTEN.......IT DOES A BODY GOOD.....
WE WILL LET YOU KNOW ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THE SCAN WHEN WE KNOW MORE
LOVINGLY, DIANNE AND ROGER
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