PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

What the heck does that mean?......Roger is the most patient man in the world....I know that he doesn't like feeling the way that he feels of late, but I still do not hear any negativity from him....He is hopeful that everything will be better when the next day is here....today is sat. and he had a very down day....He is not on any morphine, just Ibuprofen, but that alone is taking its toll on his stomach.....If you want some humor in all of this, he is craving junk food LIKE CRAZY. The nurses told im he needs to eat all the calories he can, because of the radiation. So he listens to them and its whatever he feels like and how much....kind of like a pregnant women....(he is getting female hormones still....I wonder if that has something to do with it?) He hasn't asked for pickles and ice cream yet......We will go to the Doc this tuesday to hear all about tests and results and plans. We will let you all know all about it next blog. thank you again for the food (yummy yummy potatoe salad and beans from Mark and Lori! ! ! Yummy peach cobbler from Terry and Shirley, you all are great.....thank you Patti P. for watching out for us on a daily basis...hope I haven't forgotten anyone......must go for now......

memories

Here is, today, remembering all those who gave their lives for our country and those who have passed on of whom we remember and love. For those of us who are here, let us make the most out of every day....I wake up each morning feeling very sorry for myself and as the day progresses and the people that I encounter throughout my day, inspire me and awe me and keep my life in check. Roger is one of those people.....He is strong and patient and very kind.....He is not feeling very good most of the time, because they are giving him three times the radiation that they gave him before. His body is not accepting it very well. He has read a 900 page book and watched a lot of TV and Movies....Many of his friends have stopped by. His cousins from Ne. and St. Louis came this Sunday to wish him well. Believe me, all of you, he is doing the best he knows how to do.....we are both hoping that this next week of radiation will give him great relief and that he can get back to what he really loves doing and that is playing some golf....we will be hearing the results of most of his tests June 2nd with his oncologist, Dr. Barnett, here in town. We are so hoping that the cancer has not spread anyhwere else and that we can have a little reprieve from what we have been going thru in these last 6 months or so....Thank you again for all the prayers and concerns and (chase lounges)and food and anything that you all do for Roger....it will not go unappreciated and we will be forever grateful for your love......thank you, thank you....Love , The Torbecks

STILL FIGHTING

Have not written for a few, so here goes... Roger is now in Longmont for his treatments for the bone cancer they found in his arm...I don't have a clue what the cryotherapy did, but his pain was and still is there.....They say that the radiation will help the pain.....We have no results yet from the MRI that was done at the VA. Roger went for a pet scan today that will tell us if the cancer had spread to any other parts of the body.....liver, lungs, etc......Roger is still trying to keep the stiff upper lip. I know that he is trying to stay strong for me, I just wish that I could make this all go away for him, because I know what is in store. He will keep on fighting, because that is who he is....He is a dear man and husband, who does not deserve to go thru what he has gone thru so far....The health insurance system in our country needs a big revamping and I would not know how to even begin that task. I just know that for our grandchildren, I hope that it will be better......soon! Roger's fight has been mainly predicated on what Insurance will or will not do for him and when....the system sucks.....hope your Insurance is better......signing off for now.....Love Dianne

HOPE CANCER CENTER

What a great bunch of gals at the Hope Cancer Center in Longmont ! ! !...they greeted Roger with hugs and more hugs.....they all remembered him from last time he had radiation therapy.....he was just mapped out today and then will start with treatments every day for ten days except for the weekends....they said that it would help with the pain.....it is not a cure....there is NO CURE....so if any one is thinking about starting up a cause...lets do it for a cure for prostate cancer that has returned......huh?
His spirits are lifted only to be let down again with pain.....one of his doctors said at the VA that pain is "fear trying to escape the body" it is just hard watching someone you love IN PAIN every day......
they will know more about results of the other tests like the MRI and blood work next week and he will get a PET SCAN next Wed. and that is supposed to tell much more what we will be facing next.....hopefully nothing for a while
I hope that everyone doesn't think that I am not hopeful, I am just a realist and only reporting what I see and hear from Roger and his doctors....
Believe me he gets all my attention when I finally can be at home from work and Aunt Wilma and Colbie and all the other things that keep me away.
I wish that all my attention could be just for him. His mother is a worry now too because she has been to many eye docs to find out why her eyes are failing her...they say it is because of bleeding behind the eye, but it doesn't seem to be getting better and we both cannot attend to her needs as well as we should, because of everything else....luckily she has wonderful support at her Church to take her to her appointments..Roger and I feel bad that we can't help her out more with things.....we just can't right now.....
God is good.....Colbie is doing good at home and is now 5lbs 4 oz and I got to hold her today for a really long time and that felt so good.....she is of course my little miracle.....she still has things to overcome too, but I know that she will.....
enough for tonite and this weekend.....will write more next week.....love to you all

WE ARE HOME

All in all it was a good day.....We finally made it home to a Doctor that treats Roger like a human being and that he is worth the effort to work on his cancer and treat him.....Roger will be having his first radiation therapy tomorrow! ! We just saw Dr. Barnett today and look at the results already!!! The Tumor was definitely caused from the prostate and Barnett was a little confused as to why they did cryotherapy first and not radiation on the tumor. He assured Roger that radiation would help the pain eventually. He will get the results of Rogers's MRI that was done yesterday at the VA of his lower spine ( of which they saw a spot) ordered a pet scan of the whole body to see if it is in the lungs or liver or if anywhere else for that matter....VA doesn't have a pet scan machine so they never ordered one....I even asked for one....oh well we are home now and Roger is happy about that....
Colbie Marie is home and gaining weight, but she will need to go to Denver to a specialist regarding the heart murmur issue....I will finally get to see her on my way home from Lakewood tomorrow
Aunt Wilma is doing fine at Life care and seems to be content for now. She is looking forward to going to her house for a while on Sunday. I am doing her bills and taking care of a few things at her home for now. She doesn't have her little parakeet to worry about anymore because he went to birdie heaven a few months ago....
We will keep you all posted and thanks for keeping in touch and praying for Roger....I know that he is very grateful for all the wonderful friends.......

STAPES OUT! & SO ARE WE

Roger and I went to the VA for his post op appt and to get the staples removed from his shoulder......wound is healing good.....I finally got to met the Phantom Doctor who did the surgery....seems like an OK guy. I even got to ask him some questions....
1. Why didn't you take the tumor out?
answer: Was in a very unusal place and was metastisized to the bone so that if they did start the removal Roger would definitely been impaired with his movement of his arm...they want to do radiation to make sure that the tumor is destroyed completely and that it will help ease the pain of movement. (Cryotherapy was the only answer for where this was)
2. Other test for proteins in the blood( they were concerned with came out normal )to my understanding...( this was a 24 hour urine collection test)
Prostate cancer is very wide ranged and with no cure for those experiencing reoocurance.
With Roger, they are still scratching their heads because of where this tumor decided to appear and it did come back denoting the cells were that of prostate cancer cells.
Roger took himself off Morphine and percocet on Sunday and is trying to get by with extra strength tylenol and ibuprofen.....He is having some trouble with the side effects of getting off narcotics....chills, upset stomach, diarreah
we are anxious to talk with Dr. Barnett tomorrow to get his opinion on the course of treatment and what suggestions he might have....If in fact he does do the radiation, hopefully we can do this at the HOPE cancer center , where Roger did his last series of radiation a few years ago.
we try to keep our spirits high...laugh a little, hug a little and eat, sleep and wait for the next day to let us know anything is possible with Love and hope.......
It is very hard watching someone you love in pain and yearning to be normal and to do normal things...I had to blindfold him when we went by the golf courses today. He soooo wants to be out there with his buddies.....we will see.
thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers........love you all ! ! ! Dianne and Roger

Happy b-day to Roger and to Colbie Marie

Colbie Marie got home today so I consider that her b-day for arriving at her home. ( on Roger's B-day...she now weighs 4 lbs. 14 oz and has been drinking from her new bottle with ma ma's milk for two days now...so she wins her trip home to her house in Firestone, with her MOM and DAD AND COLTON.....I will check in with them tomorrow....Chad had to pick her up because Tina had a stomach bug and was in the bathroom all day.....Aunt Wilma is doing fine at Life Care and is being a real trooper........
ROGER'S 65th b-day today.....started with a nice card from me(yes, me of 14 years) and a breakfast burrito from Santiagos.....Roger is trying so very hard to ween himself off of the Morphine and so he had a really bad stomach ache this am....so I don't know how well the buritto was welcomed....I had to go to Greeley today and returned home and no Roger....He had taken Chad's truck out for a spin (as he has not driven, had a beer, or anything else for that matter in a very LONG time) I asked the neighbors where he was, I thought I had an escaped prsioner on my hands....guess the adventure really wore him out.....Had a very nice dinner tonite and then his TV programs and off to bed...... That is about it when you are 65 .....all the excitement you can't handle.....He will be going for his MRI tomorrow at the VA and then to get his staples out( of which are very overdue).....
then on thursday an appointment with Dr Barnett for a second opinion on all of the things that have taken place with the VA and him in the past year....stay tuned, because we just don't know what is going to transpire next.......thank you for all of your prayers......we are just numb with all of the things that have happened in the last two or three months....We need a miracle, but I guess you could call Colbie our little miracle....we will keep you informed as we are informed, because we know you care and are very grateful for that...... here is to our loyal friends and family....love Dianne and Roger

Not the news again

It is early, early morning and I cannot sleep...Roger got a call from his oncologist and his pathology report finally came back that this tumor was actually from prostate cancer...We were told that they killed it and destroyed it with the cryotherapy, and that they would send both before and after samples to Walter Reed for further testing. Roger has not been progressing like a normal surgery should progress and we have to wait too long in-between time to get results and answers...He received this answer after three phone calls to the VA asking them to please get back with us...Not the news we wanted to hear...Roger took the phone call when I was at work and he wishes that I were here to hear all what the oncologist had to say. They want him to do radiation therapy to see if that will help with the pain....I am calling Dr. Barnett, an oncologist here in Longmont (of whom Roger has seen before the VA) for a consultation ASAP to try to get another opinion and to get better help closer to home. He is trying so hard to be patient, but I know that he would like all of you to know that although he may look fine to you all, he is still in a lot of pain and that his fight is not over yet......TBC Dianne ps.....he is also scheduled for another MRI and post op wed. May 13th, the day after his 65th b-day

Not the news we wanted to hear

And the days go by

Hello everyone who reads this....the days go by in our lives so quickly......and we just want to give thanks for each and every one of them....today was one of the best days since this all began....Roger seems to be feeling a little better. I don't know whether it is because I finally had someone at the VA hospital answer me after three days of leaving messages about him....or it was just a sunny day and nothing major happened....We took Roger's bandages off today after his shower to find out that he has staples of which we were not informed of .....he won't get a post op or have them out until May 13th ...the day after his 65th b-day......come on medicare! ! ! !.....medicare has always been good to my family and I just hope they are with Roger...because guess what?....I am pulling us out of the VA as soon as we can.....He has an MRI of his lower back on the 13th as well, so we will go forth with that and then I definitely think it is time to leave the VA and get closer to home.....He has not driven or even had a beer in two months.....I know that he is missing golf, but he is getting caught up on the virtual golf aspects on TV....so watch out twin peaks mens club! ! ! !.....
My little Colbie continues to gain weight , but not enough to go home yet.....Gosh, she is a beautiful little baby.......Aunt Wilma is in Lifecare center now in Longmont and I think happy to be there with all of the attention and care.....we just could not keep her home with her needs right now and we hope and pray it is just a temporary place for her and she can return home....Everyone there was just shocked to hear why and how she got there....she is a trooper and a strong ole German women, just like her mom (my grandmother who died at age 100) a few years ago.....she is still so positive and brings hope and joy to any situation....I wish I could be more like her......
Must go for now .....have a great evening......love The Torbecks

WE LOVE FOOD

Thank you to Judy for the wonderful brownies and to Nadine and Jack for the wonderful Sunday nite dinner....it fed Roger and me and Aunt Wilma and Roger's mom Gert.....thank you it was wonderful.....Just getting ready to gear up for the week.....Colbie Marie is doing well, Colton made a Touchdown today and Roger is doing OK, but still hurting and we hope that it will be better in the next day or so.......I must return to my day job tomorrow and Aunt Wilma will be going to her Doctor to see what and how she is doing.....We are going to have to make some hard decsions regarding her long term care......She will be with us tonite and then ???? It was good for Roger to have her here and see how she is taking all of this.......Unless there is anything new I won't be writing for a few days.....we are coasting for now YEAH!!!!! coasting is good I think......dianne

all's quiet tonite on the western front

Thank you Kathi and Warren and Janel for your conerns and offer to help...we are doing ok for now, but you are more than welcome to come by and see Roger...Janel I owe you a lunch soon......Colbie is now 4lbs.8 oz.....and is now filling out her premie clothes.....I wish I knew how to post her picture...if anybody knows how to do that please speak out now....I am so computer iliterate...duh.....Roger had a pep talk from his nurse today (that be me) and I think that it may have helped because it made him mad and that is ok.....he cannot just lay and hibernate....it was ok with me for a few days...but not anymore......Aunt Wilma is sleeping soundly in Roger's big oversized recliner and loving it....she will be here for the night and Sunday until we figure out a plan B.....She never complains and if I have one patient, I might as well have two....it was just easier for me to bring her here instead of leaving Roger home alone...She was perfectly willing to come here...She also asked if the Police thought that she had been stalked before she was acosted. I really don't know.....Roger is resting and hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for everyone.....til next blog..... Dianne

another day in the lives

Did not get any sleep last night....was very grateful to AuntWilmas's wonderful neighbor ,Phil, for getting home just in the nick of time to save her....She has multiple contusions and wounds on her left and right hand and arms....a broken right hand and her purse stolen of which many important things along with money were in, but she still keeps that "miss Mary Sunshine Attitude" about her....she is in pain and wants not to be alone now.....She told the police ever since her husband died (my sweet Uncle Bud) she has never been afraid to stay alone until now....we will keep careful watch over her....thanks to my niece Kari, Cheryl and Ronnie my brother and sister......As far as Roger....I have to leave him way too much during the day, because of one thing or another .....running your own business has its good and bad....Needless to say I am way busy and I should be at home....Roger seems to still be in a lot of pain and then when he takes his morphine he seems very weak.......His appetite is not what it usually is and I am worried about his recovery....but I will be positive and keep him on the right path to being well and enjoying life again......Colbie, my littlest darling is still in the hospital, doing her best to get bigger and stay well....she has been a little conjested, Tina says, and they switched her nose feeding tube to the other nostril again.....she is now a whopping 4lbs. 6 oz. and she has recieved two baths and her cord has fallen off.....she still needs to be feeding from her mom or the bottle in order for her to go home....she has a heart murmur and the doctors are watching her carefully....not carefully enough for grandma, but what do I know? when she starts teething is when I can be of help......well must go for now.....laundry is piling up.....hope to see any of you soon......love and gratefulness Dianne

You just won't believe it

Just when you think things are finally going well and things are looking up BAM BAM. thankfully Roger is doing OK , but I had to go to work today and leave him with the phone unplugged and a note on the door...in a few days he will be more friendly....pain and morphine don't do very nice things to people.....anyway, got home late to the phone call that my Aunt WIlma had been assaulted in her own yard in daylight after she was coming home from picking Roger's mother up on their way to see us, because they had not heard from us today. She was badly injured and I spent the night at the hospital ER with her and my brother and sister. She will be ok, but her purse was stolen right off her shoulder and she was dragged and the guy ran off....we have talked to police and ER doctors all night.....I am sure that Roger is thinking that what can happen next around here? He hopefully will be up for company by Sunday....Sounds like baby Colbie is doing ok and I will get to see her tomorrow after not seeing her for a few days. My Aunt is so kind and positive that she is telling me to go home and get some rest and here I sit doing the blog, cannot go to sleep. thinking of al the people now who read this and send their good thoughts our way....Thank you very much and goodnight or is it goodmorning now? 1:30am