Sunday Sunday,

Just a mellow day with Roger, except for the chores that we all have to do at some point in time.......He wanted to get out today and then he decided that he really was not up for it......cannot put my finger on it, but I did finally did fix a good dinner and he actually ate it and came back for seconds.....every day I ask him what he is hungry for and I go get it for him......It is usually bad fast food......but today it was pork tenderloin with fresh green beans from his mother garden and fresh sliced tomatoes and corn on the cob....for desert I made cherry cheese cake.....Ok well not so good for you , but what the heck...He liked it.......Don't know what tomorrow will bring , but we all don 't even know the answer to that one... do we? Have a great week and check in, we'll be around, at least I know that Roger will be.

wednesday is better

Tuesday was supposed to be better

Roger had a very rough day of nausa and fever.....we go to the doc tomorrow and hopefully we will find out why.....it could be an infection or virus.....he has been thru the ringer and is soooo wanting to feel half way decent. He still does not complain and sometimes I wish he did so that he could release some of these demons he is carrying with him.......I know that you all wonder how he is doing and I am doing my best to keep all of you abreast of it. I find it very hard to be of help when you only feel helpless sometimes.......I try to be a good nurse and I know that he needs me......When he is feeling bad he just cannot handle company.....thank you George and Jim for coming to see Roger today.....according to him you drank all of his precious Budweiser and didn't even share with him (just kidding) He didn't say that we gotta laugha t something and it might as well be George.....He loves you guys so much and really ....thank you George for always calling him....he really does love you.....and so do I........we love all of you by the way......what a group of friends....what gifts you all are to us......

Monday, Monday

Not much good came out of this day.... Left work early, because Roger had a very bad night. He is hurting and has a very upset stomach. I think that he is just worn out from fighting this demon since February or maybe even longer than he has let me know. I got him some homemade remedies for nausa and also a prescription. He doesn't see the oncologist until Sept 11th....I am trying my hardest to stay positive and to help him and to let him know that I am there and he is not alone. Today was the first day I saw and heard him weakening under the cancer pressure. Bone cancer is one of the most painful......he has pain meds, but they are not all what they are made up to be......he does not like taking them because of the way they make him feel.....he said he was halusinating last night. I think I may have gotten some of that, because I dreamt of silly things like canoes and big black bears....what a team we are! ! ! We hope for a better day tomorrow, don't we all ?......Lovingly Dianne and Roger

Sunday a day of rest

I will try this one again....I think that I deleted the first one......Roger did not have a very good day....Woke up hurting and was down for the entire day......thank you for all the cards and info we receive.....sometimes it is so much to consume and there are so many ideas for health and wellbeing out there....If anyone knows for sure of something specifically for metastatic bone cancer we would be all ears. I have researched in the early morning hours when I cannot sleep and there is so much out there to read up on and get information from it is literally overwhelming. One must be very selective as to what you try to do.....Roger has been thru a series of a drink that his son led him to, he has taken palmegranite, citrus pectin, we have tried many things that were sent his way. It is exhausting and can consume one. The doctors appointments alone can wear you down. After all of that, he still will give me a smile in the morning and send me off to work with a " have a wonderful day" when I know his is not that wonderful.......sorry to have such a heavy heart, but when you live with a person with cancer everyday...it is so different than an everyday day for a person not living with cancer, if that makes any sense......thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers.....Love Roger and Dianne

Sunday, a day of rest

those of you who care

Roger is finished with his radiation therapy as of today......It was meant to be a big huge vicodin or valium.... not a cure.......Hope to know the results of this long ordeal by maybe next week.......He is still the warrior you would all expect him to be.....silent with his feelings and just hoping for a better day tomorrow. He has really not left the house except for his treatments and a quick jont to the store......He is the most patient man I know...I would be climbing the walls by now.........He reads a lot and watches massive TV.....Golf channel, movies etc........what an existance, huh? but this is his for now.....everyone expects him to be his old self, but he is not.....he is a man with cancer....try to search your souls to think of how you would react in his situation and what you would want to do........sorry to dissapoint you, but you would have no idea until you are faced with this vary situation and I hope that you all will never have to...... it ruins a marriage or stenghtens it , it makes you cry or it makes you stronger, it makes you think, but you don't want it's bare bones truth.....it is CANCER and it is our enemy......sorry to be so blunt, but I am going thru the anget stage right now.....please forvive me.....Just know that Roger is an awesome warrior. even though he does not talk about his cancer to me.....He will some day and I will be there for him that day and many more to come.......take care and laugh often, love more and dance like there is nobody watching.......You are all going thru your own something.....and we love you all.....Roger and Dianne

AND THE BEAT GOES ON

Roger is still undergoing radiation therapy....the only bright spot in his day is that he loves his nurses...they are absolutley wonderful to him and cute......He is tolerating as well as anyone could. He is trying so hard to keep his life and mine normal, whatever that means. I am so very busy with my schools and probably good to distract me, but I feel bad that there is nothing I can do for him nor anyone else.....Cancer is a lonely battle one must fight in his or her own way........we still are very thankful for all of you.....the cards, the banana bread and all of the prayers....
to update you if you are interested my Aunt Wilma is back in her home after being in a nursing home fo almost two months and then my baby "Colbie" grandaughter is doing great...she is now almost 4 months old and weighs 9lbs and 11oz's....she is darling....there are bright moments that I am so very thankful for.
Again thank you all for your prayers...we definitely can use them as I
am sure all of you can
Love Roger and Dianne

whatayagonnado?

Thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes....It is so great to have such caring friends and family. Roger is now going to undergo some more radiation therapy. The T-3 in his spine is fractured and there are other places that the cancer has gone to in his spine....the only thing that they can do is help him with his pain. Radiation did help the arm pain, but with this prostate bone cancer they cannot radiate his whole body like Roger wants them to. They are just trying to keep the pain tolerable. He is not very active as his bones are not strong enough to take any abuse like golf or anything that would jar him.... It is even painful for me to hug him very tight.
I hate cancer and what it does to realtionships and families and peoples lives......I pray for a cure every day. We hope that you will too.....

reliant on the doctors

Supposed to have seen Roger's oncologist today.....we were informed of him running very late and asked if we would reschedule.....we agreed and so we will not see him until next tuesday......Roger will have blood test for PSA level and we will get a report from Dr. Barnett (oncologist) and Roger will tell him how lousy he is feeling and we will go from there. Everyday he is either living with it or dying from it... It is so very hard to see someone that you love everyday in such turmoil and no way out but pain relievivers.........we must find a cure for this and other cancers........I just hope that it will be in my lfietime and I can rest asssured that my darling grandchildren will have other , not so taxing hurdles to overcome. Please now refer back to why and the purpose we are all here.......I think that it will be an awakening for most of you.....I have had to do some real soul searching and have yet to find the real answer....why I here and what is my main purpose in life here on earth? I am just stubborn enough to find out.....meanwhile....a person that I love is suffering and I really don't know how to help him.....
He is not a complainer and I think that he is doing the best he knows how to do given the circumstances.........Thank you to all who understand this journey.......Love Roger and Dianne